I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.
So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.
The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.
The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.
I didn’t read the book, try but after last week I decided I was in the right frame of mind to watch the movie. You know, I actually liked all the stories that spun a web to weave the context of the entire movie. They were generally pretty realistic: a girl who loses her patience with her boyfriend not proposing after seven years and breaks up with him, a husband cheating on his wife with a sexy mistress under the pretense that he married too young, a girl who befriends a guy that provides a reality check in all her encounters with the opposite sex.
But the ending went against the entire message of the movie! Reality-check guy is so busy explaining to the girl all about guy-isms that he doesn’t realize he’s in love with her until she tells him? Give me a break!
The entire movie was based on the idea that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will be. Then they go back on all of that to say that sometimes a guy is too dumb to figure it out on his own?
Enough with the fake, feel-good, happy endings. Give me honesty in a reality I can live with.
What did you think of the movie?
To find the man I dreamed of, sale my friends R & T both told me, viagra I needed to throw it out there to the universe by writing a list of the traits that were important to me – a description of the ideal.
After going on dates with several duds over the winter I decided it couldn’t hurt to try their advice. I sat down and wrote a full page of characteristics that are important to me, symptoms starting with the one I can’t live without – HONESTY.
It wasn’t two weeks later that I met my now ex; let’s call him mr.a. He came from an ag background, had a stable job, liked to cook, possessed a good sense of humor, was a kind person and easy on the eyes. Basically, he seemed to have materialized from my list!
As you can imagine, I was pretty excited about this man.
So when I caught him in a lie a few months into our relationship I was upset. But the circumstances were such that I could understand his reasoning (to save me from getting upset for nothing), and so I shared with him the importance to me of open honesty and we moved on. Or so I thought.
When I stumbled upon evidence of his online dating I was deeply hurt. How could he betray me like that? How could this guy I considered to be so close to my ideal see me as so far from his that he would be looking for someone new? It was heartbreaking.
I confronted him, and I don’t know what I expected his response to be. The last thing I expected though was the bold-faced lie that he hadn’t been on the site since we got together. I called him on it and then he admitted he might have updated his profile once at the beginning when he didn’t know where we were headed. Uh huh. And how about the plethora of messages in his email from this very week? Oh, he was just bored and killing time.
Do I look that gullible?
Ever since the breakup I’ve been arguing with myself about whether scoping out dating sites was worth dumping him for. We’re in a different era now than ten years ago; is checking out online profiles and flirting via email the new equivalent of going to the bar? (More on that in a future post)
What it comes down to though is that he lied to me. Even when presented with hard evidence, he lied. And I’m not OK with that.