May 7, 2010 - Family, Men, Women    No Comments

Kids these days

I realize that’s a bit of a comical title considering my age, approved but I’m convinced there is a wide gap between people my age and the group 5-10 years younger than us.

Is it just me or have good manners, view social responsibility and respect for your fellow man been lost between Generations X and Y? It seems there is a good reason for calling “X” the Generation Me.

You see examples of this change every day – people in their late 20’s holding doors for their elders on the heels of someone in their early 20’s dropping the door in front of an elder; a tremendous decline in the number of people who volunteer between the two age groups; the new “swarming” phenomenon that has resulted in brutal beatings and even deaths of authority figures and elders.

It frightens me.

Last weekend the annual country music festival in my Alma Mater’s town took place for the 19th year in a row. Just five years ago, help this was a celebration of good music, the end of classes and the many friendships made during the school year. Everyone had a good time while looking out for their friends and neighbors and paying tribute to the talented musicians who graced the stage. This year, one of the performers received a concussion and 24 stitches from someone in the crowd who threw a glass bottle at his head. Another singer was disrupted by someone who snuck past security and got on stage with her – uninvited.

It’s hard to believe those kids’ morals and friends didn’t stop them from that poor behavior. And yes, I’ll call them kids. They don’t deserve to be called adults.

Where did the world go wrong in just five years?

What can we do to re-instill these values in the next generation?

Apr 30, 2010 - Family    No Comments

The ties that bind… and strangle

If you meet someone whose personality conflicts with yours, cost you are probably going to walk away and not give them another thought, stuff right? So why is it when we have an irreconcilable  conflict with someone we are related to, we put so much time and effort into trying to keep that relationship?

Brothers. Sisters. Parents. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Even grandparents occasionally.

Holiday gatherings are rooted in tradition, generally involving large meals with family. Often served with sides of stress and hard feelings because of strained family relations. And when it’s all over we feel like terrible people, having had our worst traits boil to the surface and spill over like poison.

What if we put into practice the old adage that “friends are the family we choose?” Would we be happier not only at holiday gatherings, but every day? We would no longer worry about whether Aunt A was going to insult our turkey, or whether Uncle B was going to ask again when it’ll be time to settle down. We could enjoy time and a meal with the people we choose to have in our lives. The people who bring out the best in us.

What if every day we stopped wasting negative energy trying to keep good relations with our bad relations, and instead multiplied positive energy by sharing our best with friends who enhance our lives?

I’m not saying anyone should write off all their family members. My brother is one of my best friends and I would choose to have him in my life whether we were siblings or not. Keep the treasure, lose the trash.

People are people, whether they are family, friends or strangers. We should love all people, but should we give some preferential treatment based on blood?

Apr 26, 2010 - Men    3 Comments

Fairytale vs. Reality

I knew when I told him I don’t want children that he might very well walk away. But when he did – not just because he thought he wanted kids, cost but because I took the choice away from him – it was a big lesson. One that I’m still not certain what to do with.

He said he would be ok with not having kids if it was because his partner wasn’t able to, but because I would choose not to have them, that wasn’t acceptable.

So essentially if I was a manipulative, lying bitch, if I had played the “I’m not sure” card and then made sure I never conceived, a guy would be ok with that.

Instead, for being honest and up front, I get dumped every time.

Because guys all think they want kids. They romanticize having a family, not realizing what it actually means to have one.

  • When you have kids, you become fully and constantly responsible for another human life. Every hour of every day.
  • You have to be prepared to sacrifice everything for them if it’s required.
  • The freedom you used to have to pursue dreams and ideas no longer exists as the needs of the  family come first.
  • And then there is the enormous financial cost, estimated between $152,862-$269,520 per child (according to online resources)

But men seldom experience the extent of any of these things because they are usually the ones who walk out the door to work in the morning, and come home at night to eat, watch TV and sleep. Seldom is the father the parent who gets up with the kids all night every night, who cleans up after everyone. Not often does the father give up his career and friends to put the children first. He might feel the pinch of financial constraint, but it’s usually the mother who has to figure out how to stretch every dollar to make ends meet.

And at the end of the day the kids will do anything to gain their father’s attention and approval, seldom appreciating their mother and even purposefully breaking her heart.

Men seldom think about these things.

And so they will forgo a woman who makes them laugh, makes them think, makes them dream and helps them achieve, a woman who makes them completely and utterly happy – all for the potential of something they think they want but don’t totally understand. Just so they are never told “no”.

Aug 23, 2009 - Uncategorized    1 Comment

Glass houses

I once had a family member tell me I was too judgmental. The very same person poisons her children with judgments on myself, what is ed my family and my friends.

I’m a know-it-all because I have a communications business. My brother is a sinner because he has tattoos. My dad doesn’t know anything about cattle because he quit showing competitively. My other brother is good for nothing since he wore jeans to Grandma’s funeral. And now, check my friends are crooks because they have been slapped with a lawsuit.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and perspectives, but pushing them on children who don’t have enough information to form their own is despicable. There are two sides to every story.

I am sick to death of people who live in glass houses throwing stones.

Jul 14, 2009 - Men    No Comments

'Venge

Ever wish you had a voodoo doll of the people who cause you grief? So you could inflict on them just a portion of the pain they put you through? Ok, online more like ten times as much.

So you could pierce them through the heart with the excruciating pain of betrayal? So you could make their head throb from thinking about what went wrong? So you could take their legs out from under them with the weight of ‘why’s’?

I do.

Does that make me a bad person?

Jul 12, 2009 - Men    1 Comment

Hostile Takeover

It’s amazing how deeply someone can infiltrate your life in a short time when you let them. From daily routines, cure to future plans, to once in a lifetime events. And it takes so much longer to replace those memories with ones that don’t hurt so much.

Jul 9, 2009 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Friends

I’m so grateful for friends who have supported me through this time. The advice, capsule listening ears and shoulders to lean on have been a godsend.

Now my guy friend B feels like I’m ready to move on and sent me a photo of a fellow he thinks may be my soulmate. Here he is:

hottie

Thank goodness for friends!

Jul 7, 2009 - Men    5 Comments

Honest(l)y

I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.

So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.

The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.

The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.
I didn’t read the book, try but after last week I decided I was in the right frame of mind to watch the movie. You know, I actually liked all the stories that spun a web to weave the context of the entire movie. They were generally pretty realistic: a girl who loses her patience with her boyfriend not proposing after seven years and breaks up with him, a husband cheating on his wife with a sexy mistress under the pretense that he married too young, a girl who befriends a guy that provides a reality check in all her encounters with the opposite sex.

But the ending went against the entire message of the movie! Reality-check guy is so busy explaining to the girl all about guy-isms that he doesn’t realize he’s in love with her until she tells him? Give me a break!

The entire movie was based on the idea that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will be. Then they go back on all of that to say that sometimes a guy is too dumb to figure it out on his own?

Enough with the fake, feel-good, happy endings. Give me honesty in a reality I can live with.

What did you think of the movie?
To find the man I dreamed of, sale my friends R & T both told me, viagra I needed to throw it out there to the universe by writing a list of the traits that were important to me – a description of the ideal.

After going on dates with several duds over the winter I decided it couldn’t hurt to try their advice. I sat down and wrote a full page of characteristics that are important to me, symptoms starting with the one I can’t live without – HONESTY.

It wasn’t two weeks later that I met my now ex; let’s call him mr.a. He came from an ag background, had a stable job, liked to cook, possessed a good sense of humor, was a kind person and easy on the eyes. Basically, he seemed to have materialized from my list!

As you can imagine, I was pretty excited about this man.

So when I caught him in a lie a few months into our relationship I was upset. But the circumstances were such that I could understand his reasoning (to save me from getting upset for nothing), and so I shared with him the importance to me of open honesty and we moved on. Or so I thought.

When I stumbled upon evidence of his online dating I was deeply hurt. How could he betray me like that? How could this guy I considered to be so close to my ideal see me as so far from his that he would be looking for someone new? It was heartbreaking.

I confronted him, and I don’t know what I expected his response to be. The last thing I expected though was the bold-faced lie that he hadn’t been on the site since we got together. I called him on it and then he admitted he might have updated his profile once at the beginning when he didn’t know where we were headed. Uh huh. And how about the plethora of messages in his email from this very week? Oh, he was just bored and killing time.

Do I look that gullible?

Ever since the breakup I’ve been arguing with myself about whether scoping out dating sites was worth dumping him for. We’re in a different era now than ten years ago; is checking out online profiles and flirting via email the new equivalent of going to the bar? (More on that in a future post)

What it comes down to though is that he lied to me. Even when presented with hard evidence, he lied. And I’m not OK with that.

Jul 6, 2009 - Men, Women    4 Comments

Movie Review: He’s Just Not That Into You

I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.

So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.

The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.

The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.
I didn’t read the book, try but after last week I decided I was in the right frame of mind to watch the movie. You know, I actually liked all the stories that spun a web to weave the context of the entire movie. They were generally pretty realistic: a girl who loses her patience with her boyfriend not proposing after seven years and breaks up with him, a husband cheating on his wife with a sexy mistress under the pretense that he married too young, a girl who befriends a guy that provides a reality check in all her encounters with the opposite sex.

But the ending went against the entire message of the movie! Reality-check guy is so busy explaining to the girl all about guy-isms that he doesn’t realize he’s in love with her until she tells him? Give me a break!

The entire movie was based on the idea that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will be. Then they go back on all of that to say that sometimes a guy is too dumb to figure it out on his own?

Enough with the fake, feel-good, happy endings. Give me honesty in a reality I can live with.

What did you think of the movie?

Jul 4, 2009 - Men, Women    5 Comments

Apples and oranges

I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.

So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.

The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.

The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.

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