Archive from April, 2010
Apr 30, 2010 - Family    No Comments

The ties that bind… and strangle

If you meet someone whose personality conflicts with yours, cost you are probably going to walk away and not give them another thought, stuff right? So why is it when we have an irreconcilableĀ  conflict with someone we are related to, we put so much time and effort into trying to keep that relationship?

Brothers. Sisters. Parents. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Even grandparents occasionally.

Holiday gatherings are rooted in tradition, generally involving large meals with family. Often served with sides of stress and hard feelings because of strained family relations. And when it’s all over we feel like terrible people, having had our worst traits boil to the surface and spill over like poison.

What if we put into practice the old adage that “friends are the family we choose?” Would we be happier not only at holiday gatherings, but every day? We would no longer worry about whether Aunt A was going to insult our turkey, or whether Uncle B was going to ask again when it’ll be time to settle down. We could enjoy time and a meal with the people we choose to have in our lives. The people who bring out the best in us.

What if every day we stopped wasting negative energy trying to keep good relations with our bad relations, and instead multiplied positive energy by sharing our best with friends who enhance our lives?

I’m not saying anyone should write off all their family members. My brother is one of my best friends and I would choose to have him in my life whether we were siblings or not. Keep the treasure, lose the trash.

People are people, whether they are family, friends or strangers. We should love all people, but should we give some preferential treatment based on blood?

Apr 26, 2010 - Men    3 Comments

Fairytale vs. Reality

I knew when I told him I don’t want children that he might very well walk away. But when he did – not just because he thought he wanted kids, cost but because I took the choice away from him – it was a big lesson. One that I’m still not certain what to do with.

He said he would be ok with not having kids if it was because his partner wasn’t able to, but because I would choose not to have them, that wasn’t acceptable.

So essentially if I was a manipulative, lying bitch, if I had played the “I’m not sure” card and then made sure I never conceived, a guy would be ok with that.

Instead, for being honest and up front, I get dumped every time.

Because guys all think they want kids. They romanticize having a family, not realizing what it actually means to have one.

  • When you have kids, you become fully and constantly responsible for another human life. Every hour of every day.
  • You have to be prepared to sacrifice everything for them if it’s required.
  • The freedom you used to have to pursue dreams and ideas no longer exists as the needs of theĀ  family come first.
  • And then there is the enormous financial cost, estimated between $152,862-$269,520 per child (according to online resources)

But men seldom experience the extent of any of these things because they are usually the ones who walk out the door to work in the morning, and come home at night to eat, watch TV and sleep. Seldom is the father the parent who gets up with the kids all night every night, who cleans up after everyone. Not often does the father give up his career and friends to put the children first. He might feel the pinch of financial constraint, but it’s usually the mother who has to figure out how to stretch every dollar to make ends meet.

And at the end of the day the kids will do anything to gain their father’s attention and approval, seldom appreciating their mother and even purposefully breaking her heart.

Men seldom think about these things.

And so they will forgo a woman who makes them laugh, makes them think, makes them dream and helps them achieve, a woman who makes them completely and utterly happy – all for the potential of something they think they want but don’t totally understand. Just so they are never told “no”.