Archive from July, 2009
Jul 14, 2009 - Men    No Comments

'Venge

Ever wish you had a voodoo doll of the people who cause you grief? So you could inflict on them just a portion of the pain they put you through? Ok, online more like ten times as much.

So you could pierce them through the heart with the excruciating pain of betrayal? So you could make their head throb from thinking about what went wrong? So you could take their legs out from under them with the weight of ‘why’s’?

I do.

Does that make me a bad person?

Jul 12, 2009 - Men    1 Comment

Hostile Takeover

It’s amazing how deeply someone can infiltrate your life in a short time when you let them. From daily routines, cure to future plans, to once in a lifetime events. And it takes so much longer to replace those memories with ones that don’t hurt so much.

Jul 9, 2009 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Friends

I’m so grateful for friends who have supported me through this time. The advice, capsule listening ears and shoulders to lean on have been a godsend.

Now my guy friend B feels like I’m ready to move on and sent me a photo of a fellow he thinks may be my soulmate. Here he is:

hottie

Thank goodness for friends!

Jul 7, 2009 - Men    5 Comments

Honest(l)y

I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.

So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.

The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.

The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.
I didn’t read the book, try but after last week I decided I was in the right frame of mind to watch the movie. You know, I actually liked all the stories that spun a web to weave the context of the entire movie. They were generally pretty realistic: a girl who loses her patience with her boyfriend not proposing after seven years and breaks up with him, a husband cheating on his wife with a sexy mistress under the pretense that he married too young, a girl who befriends a guy that provides a reality check in all her encounters with the opposite sex.

But the ending went against the entire message of the movie! Reality-check guy is so busy explaining to the girl all about guy-isms that he doesn’t realize he’s in love with her until she tells him? Give me a break!

The entire movie was based on the idea that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will be. Then they go back on all of that to say that sometimes a guy is too dumb to figure it out on his own?

Enough with the fake, feel-good, happy endings. Give me honesty in a reality I can live with.

What did you think of the movie?
To find the man I dreamed of, sale my friends R & T both told me, viagra I needed to throw it out there to the universe by writing a list of the traits that were important to me – a description of the ideal.

After going on dates with several duds over the winter I decided it couldn’t hurt to try their advice. I sat down and wrote a full page of characteristics that are important to me, symptoms starting with the one I can’t live without – HONESTY.

It wasn’t two weeks later that I met my now ex; let’s call him mr.a. He came from an ag background, had a stable job, liked to cook, possessed a good sense of humor, was a kind person and easy on the eyes. Basically, he seemed to have materialized from my list!

As you can imagine, I was pretty excited about this man.

So when I caught him in a lie a few months into our relationship I was upset. But the circumstances were such that I could understand his reasoning (to save me from getting upset for nothing), and so I shared with him the importance to me of open honesty and we moved on. Or so I thought.

When I stumbled upon evidence of his online dating I was deeply hurt. How could he betray me like that? How could this guy I considered to be so close to my ideal see me as so far from his that he would be looking for someone new? It was heartbreaking.

I confronted him, and I don’t know what I expected his response to be. The last thing I expected though was the bold-faced lie that he hadn’t been on the site since we got together. I called him on it and then he admitted he might have updated his profile once at the beginning when he didn’t know where we were headed. Uh huh. And how about the plethora of messages in his email from this very week? Oh, he was just bored and killing time.

Do I look that gullible?

Ever since the breakup I’ve been arguing with myself about whether scoping out dating sites was worth dumping him for. We’re in a different era now than ten years ago; is checking out online profiles and flirting via email the new equivalent of going to the bar? (More on that in a future post)

What it comes down to though is that he lied to me. Even when presented with hard evidence, he lied. And I’m not OK with that.

Jul 6, 2009 - Men, Women    4 Comments

Movie Review: He’s Just Not That Into You

I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.

So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.

The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.

The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.
I didn’t read the book, try but after last week I decided I was in the right frame of mind to watch the movie. You know, I actually liked all the stories that spun a web to weave the context of the entire movie. They were generally pretty realistic: a girl who loses her patience with her boyfriend not proposing after seven years and breaks up with him, a husband cheating on his wife with a sexy mistress under the pretense that he married too young, a girl who befriends a guy that provides a reality check in all her encounters with the opposite sex.

But the ending went against the entire message of the movie! Reality-check guy is so busy explaining to the girl all about guy-isms that he doesn’t realize he’s in love with her until she tells him? Give me a break!

The entire movie was based on the idea that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will be. Then they go back on all of that to say that sometimes a guy is too dumb to figure it out on his own?

Enough with the fake, feel-good, happy endings. Give me honesty in a reality I can live with.

What did you think of the movie?

Jul 4, 2009 - Men, Women    5 Comments

Apples and oranges

I think people have as much or as little in common as they want to. Sure, story there are absolutely some differences that are fairly substantial — like on the surface I don’t have a great deal in common with someone in Africa living in a box, salve surviving off the little they can scrounge from the desert and battling AIDS. But if we started sharing stories we might find that we both have younger siblings, have had our hearts broke and still hope to find love someday.

So when relationships end because the people are “too different,” I think it’s a sorry excuse. If you care about someone, you take an interest in the things that matter to them and continue to develop common interests. As long as your personalities are complimentary and you are committed to growing your relationship, the rest is inconsequential.

The same concept applies to networking and meeting new people. Asking a few questions will get the ball rolling and determine similarities. This will provide a connection with the other person that makes your meeting more memorable to them.

The old adage of comparing apples to oranges? They are both fruit.

Jul 4, 2009 - Women    2 Comments

Your own two feet

All you need to know about me is in the entries. Actually, illness it’s probably quite a bit more than you need to know.
This week I went through a pretty hurtful breakup. It seems like it went on forever. Does five days qualify as forever? I guess maybe when every minute feels like an hour.

What burned me the most was that apparently he didn’t think I was a good fit for him the entire time we were together, here but rather than break it off he let me continue to invest my time and myself in a relationship that he saw going nowhere.

And it’s not like we didn’t talk about it – he said we were exclusive, he said he cared about me, he talked about things we were going to do eight months down the road… all the while he was scouring online dating sites for someone else. SERIOUSLY! How disrespectful can you be? And I might have never known if he hadn’t made the mistake of leaving his e-mail signed in on my computer.

How long would we have gone on with me thinking he was Mr. Wonderful and him thinking he was just killing time?

And why?!?! Is he just so needy he can’t be alone?

The thing is, I wasn’t looking for “forever.” In fact, I don’t even know if I’m capable of that. All I want is to enjoy the person I’m with and know that they enjoy being with me. Is that so much to ask?
My biggest irritation in life (next to stupidity) is women who can’t take care of themselves. You know the ones, pharm forever living off their parents or their friends or a man. It is 2009 for gawd’s sake!

Get a job that pays what you need to support yourself. If you can’t, medical then get an education. Learn to budget. Build your credit score. Believe that you are worth it!

Because here is the thing – you can’t depend on anyone but yourself. When the chips are down every woman needs to know that she can do it on her own. You never know what tomorrow will bring so be prepared.

Now, doctor I’m not talking about stay-at-home moms (until all the kids are in school), farm women or under-20’s. I think kids should be raised by their parents, that women in production agriculture have more than a full-time job and everyone needs time to get established.

When it comes down to it, nine times out of ten the women who depend on someone else to feed them and put a roof over their heads just need a good dose of self-esteem. But you have to do it for yourself because no one else will.

Jul 4, 2009 - Men    1 Comment

The wheel is still turning but the hamster is dead

All you need to know about me is in the entries. Actually, illness it’s probably quite a bit more than you need to know.
This week I went through a pretty hurtful breakup. It seems like it went on forever. Does five days qualify as forever? I guess maybe when every minute feels like an hour.

What burned me the most was that apparently he didn’t think I was a good fit for him the entire time we were together, here but rather than break it off he let me continue to invest my time and myself in a relationship that he saw going nowhere.

And it’s not like we didn’t talk about it – he said we were exclusive, he said he cared about me, he talked about things we were going to do eight months down the road… all the while he was scouring online dating sites for someone else. SERIOUSLY! How disrespectful can you be? And I might have never known if he hadn’t made the mistake of leaving his e-mail signed in on my computer.

How long would we have gone on with me thinking he was Mr. Wonderful and him thinking he was just killing time?

And why?!?! Is he just so needy he can’t be alone?

The thing is, I wasn’t looking for “forever.” In fact, I don’t even know if I’m capable of that. All I want is to enjoy the person I’m with and know that they enjoy being with me. Is that so much to ask?

Jul 4, 2009 - Intro    3 Comments

Here I am…

http://www.querulousfemme.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/wordpress.2010-04-26.xml_.txt
I’ve never wanted to start a blog.

Blogs seemed too personal to me; they share the intimate details of your life with anyone and everyone who cares to read them. But I’m a venter – I need to vocalize my frustrations to get past them – and I have amazing friends who don’t deserve to hear about them as often as they do!

So here I am, prescription starting a blog basically for the sole purpose of ranting about what irritates me. And if you want to rant back, here please feel free. If I post something that reminds you of an experience you’ve had and you want to get it off your chest, go ahead!

If I offend you, that’s unfortunate. Stop reading.